we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just found a bag of teeth...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize