I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
