Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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