ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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