I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
