Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Who died my cat blue again?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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