As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
