I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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