I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize