I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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