I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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