so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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