SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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