Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
