This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
