i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
