The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
