sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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