areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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