Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
