That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I wear drunk well.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
