went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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