GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
40s are totally the cure
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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