Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
you made out with another girl for some wings
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
