what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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