I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
there is puke in my bra ... again
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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