you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
