oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
