I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
