Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
