Small penises have feelings too.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
