the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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