PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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