so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
