bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
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