She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize