I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
