1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
