Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
