Soap is not a condiment
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
