Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
