Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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