If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
