how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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