just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
