I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You're a waste of cheezeits
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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