I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
