I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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