the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
