at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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