Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
