You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
