Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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