I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Houston, we have a blender
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
