She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
