Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
there is puke in my bra ... again
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