So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
