I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
