i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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