u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
