I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
