i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
